Is an Experienced Surrogate Better?

When choosing a surrogate, there are many factors to consider.  One of the options is whether to choose an experienced surrogate or to choose an inexperienced surrogate.

Let's explore the benefits and concerns for each:

Benefits of an Experienced Surrogate:

• An experienced surrogate and her family have already been through the process and released parentage.
• An experienced surrogate understands the medications, the appointments and the commitment.
• An experienced surrogate has proven that she can carry a successful surrogate pregnancy.
• An experienced surrogate knows the ropes and can help guide you.

Challenges with an Experienced Surrogate:

• An experienced surrogate has expectations of the relationship.
• An experienced surrogate will compare you to her previous experience.
• An experienced surrogate may be carrying baggage from her previous experience that will color her experience with you.
• An experienced surrogate generally has a higher base compensation.

Benefits of an Inexperienced Surrogate:

• An inexperienced surrogate has a fresh and new perspective.
• An inexperienced surrogate may be more open to meeting the Intended Parents' needs.
• An inexperienced surrogate is sharing a new experience with you, allowing you to enjoy the 'firsts' together.
• An inexperienced surrogate generally has a lower base compensation.

Challenges of an Inexperienced Surrogate: 

• An inexperienced surrogate hasn't proven that she can relinquish parentage.
• An inexperienced surrogate has never been through the process and doesn't know how she will react.
• An inexperienced surrogate doesn't know how her friends and family will feel about surrogacy and how it will impact them.

In the end, you have to choose what is most important to you.  For some intended parents, having the security that the surrogate has already given birth and relinquished parentage is very important.  For others, building a relationship from scratch may be more important.

As an agency owner, I see advantages to both experienced and inexperienced surrogates, and rarely encourage intended parents to choose a surrogate solely on experience level.

What Qualifies a Woman to be a Surrogate?

Every woman that applies to be a surrogate with Heart to Hands has a generous heart.  However, while a generous heart draws women to surrogacy, it's not enough by itself.  A surrogate must also be physically and emotionally healthy, financially stable, and have a wonderful support system.

All surrogates that work with Heart to Hands Surrogacy have several things in common: 

• Is healthy physically and mentally, and willing to undergo extensive screenings
• Is over 21 years of age
• Does not use tobacco, illegal drugs, or abuse alcohol
• Has no current use of anti-depressants (within the last 6-12 months)
• Has given birth to a healthy child
• Has had no more than 2 previous cesarean births
• Is not receiving any form of government assistance
• Is Willing to commit time and energy to the surrogacy process
• Is Stable and mature
• Has support of spouse, family and friends
• Has medical insurance (strongly suggested but may not disqualify a surrogate)
• Lives in a surrogate friendly state  (We are very sorry but we can not work with surrogates who live in Washington, Nebraska, Michigan, New York, New Jersey, Wyoming, Delaware, or anywhere outside of the United States.)

All surrogates that apply to work with Heart to Hands goe through an intensive screening process. First she fills out an extensive questionnaire that is reviewed by the agency owner.  The review is followed by an in-person or telephone interview.

If the surrogate passes the questionnaire and interview, a background check is performed on the surrogate and anyone over 18 living in the surrogate's household. 

If all parties pass the background check, personal references are called and personal details are verified. 

Health records are requested and reviewed.

Finally, if the surrogate passes all of the initial agency screenings, a surrogate and her husband or significant other meet with a counselor for an in-person interview and either the MMPI or the PAI.

Only after the surrogate has passed each of these steps is she allowed to proceed with a match.

Heart to Hands believes in presenting only the best prepared surrogates to Intended Parents, and always chooses only the best surrogates.

What Should You Look for in an Agency?

Choosing your agency is an important decision.  Your agency should be able to provide the services you need (at a cost you can afford), offer referrals, and make you feel like all the details are being handled. Your agency should understand your needs, respect your wishes and desires, and advocate for good communication and a great relationship between the Surrogate and the Intended Parents.  Your agency should also know the Assisted Reproductive Technology field, be aware of resources and changing technologies, be knowledgeable about legal issues and be able to share all of that information with you!

But your agency should also offer you more. Your agency should make you feel safe and should offer a place where you can be honest - where you aren't being judged or made to feel crazy, where you can ask any question without offending someone, and your agency should listen to you and about your needs and dreams.  Your agency should understand that working through infertility and choosing surrogacy is part of a long journey that involves heart, perseverance, letting go and above all else trust.

How Does Heart to Hands Meet These Needs?

At Heart to Hands Surrogacy, we understand the beauty, joy and hardships that Surrogates and Intended Parents go through.  We understand the struggles the Surrogate experiences to meet her Intended Parents desires, the need to serve her own family, the sacrifice of sharing her life for a year or more to create someone’s child, and the joy at seeing the Parents gazing at their baby for the first time.  And we understand the difficulties Intended Parents go through just to come to surrogacy, to trust a surrogate with the most precious thing in their lives, to share control of the process, and the gratitude Intended Parents feel to their surrogate and her family.

Heart to Hands Surrogacy strives to support and nurture the relationship between Intended Parents and their surrogate, to provide balanced and fair information to the parties, and to foster a cooperative and loving relationship that will thrive during the amazing process of creating a family.

Heart to Hands has extensive personal and professional experience working with Intended Parents and Surrogates and understands that each match is different, that each family is different, and that an agency needs to encourage and advocate for these individualized needs.  The match isn't just about putting together two parties who want the same thing; it's about creating magic.  With the right match, a family can be created.  Heart to Hands will never ignore the things that are important to you, and will always do the best to find the right match (not just the quickest match) for you.

A Surrogate's Fairwell...

They're Gone. : (

Today I kissed their precious little heads, hugged their parents hard, and said my GoodByes.

It's such a bittersweet moment to have them go home. I want desperately for them to return to their lives and settle into their being parents, to leave the surrogacy part of it behind and just be their family. To have the completion and the normalcy that families not struck with infertility have. To just be a family, not a family through surrogacy.

And so I held them tight and loved their sweet little butter bodies, and talked and laughed with the parents, and put each special second in a sacred decorated part of my brain to mull over and dig through and wallow in for the next week as I miss them terribly.

And my heart is so tender and filled with joy and I am completely at peace, but Oh, I miss them already. I miss the parents and the way they light up when their babies lock eyes with them. I miss the way the parents talk to eachother with the closeness of people who know eachother through and through. I miss the closeness and special delight we all have in eachother. I miss the feel of their little bodies melting against me. I miss the joy I get from watching the parents figure out all the intricacies of what their babies like. I guess I just miss them.

And still, I am filled with an indescribable joy and sense of completion and satisfaction. This is what surrogacy is, this combination of love and passion and perfect loss.

I am so proud of those parents and feel so lucky to share in this special thing we all did together. I can't think of what I did to deserve such a blessing, but I am thankful and humbled to be granted such a love as strong as this.

A little IVF levity for you...

Adrienne's Story... or what lead her to surrogacy and running an agency.

Each of us has a story about how we came to surrogacy.

Mine began when I was at a conference, and a pregnant woman shared that she was a surrogate.  This was my first introduction to surrogacy, the first I'd heard of it, or thought of it.  But when she explained what surrogacy was, I knew that I would someday carry for a family.

My first match was an incredible experience.  I matched with wonderful family in New York, and had a beautiful time getting to know them.  When the day of the transfer came, we learned the embryos did not make the thaw.  They were working with another surrogate who was already pregnant, and they decided not to go through another retrieval.  They have a beautiful little boy now.

My second family was a California family, and we went through a lot; several transfers, and several chemical pregnancies.  They eventually decided to try adoption.  We've lost track of one another.  It was a hard experience for us all, to try and hope and to not have a successful pregnancy.

In 2006, I met S&S.  I responded to an ad that their agency had posted on SMO, and just had a 'gut feeling' about it.  We spoke on the phone, and we all knew that it was a good match.  In 2007, I gave birth to their fabulous little boy.  And in 2009, I birthed their gorgeous boy/girl twins.  We are very close, and have a friendship that has extended its reach from surrogacy and into lifelong.

I knew that I wanted to carry for one more family, and in 2012 I gave birth to the most adorable twin girls for an international family.  This family welcomed us into their home, and made it very clear that our family is now their family.

I am so incredibly blessed to have been part of creating two families.  And I want to share that amazing experience with others.  My personal experience with surrogacy, my professional experience with it, and the years of being in the surrogacy community have shaped my desire to run an agency.

And so I opened Heart to Hands, where I have the opportunity to help create families with compassion, experience and professionalism.

What brought you to surrogacy?

Heart to Hands Specializes in:

• Personalized, Caring and Attentive Service
• Availability
• Excellent Matching Built on Personality, Character and Compatability
• Understanding and Recognition of Your Personal Surrogacy Needs and Wishes