This is what surrogacy is supposed to look like.

Sometimes it all goes right and I get to end my long working weekend with a smile, a beer, and a few happy sappy tears of thankfulness that I get to do something so meaningful with my life.

The truth is, this job is h.a.r.d.  I worry all the time about my surrogates.  I wake up thinking about the Intended Parents that I’m having a challenging time matching. I cringe when it takes me a day longer than I wanted to process an application.  And sometimes I feel the weight of so many hopes and dreams and expectations and worry that I’m going to let someone down.

A good night's reward.

But not tonight. Tonight I got to visit with the kind of surrogate team that makes my heart fill with joy.

The surrogate gave birth to the little boy she was carrying Thursday night, at a very early 32 weeks.  

Mom and Dad were in the NICU snuggling their itty bitty 32 week old skin-to-skin, noticing his every crinkle wrinkle and soft baby snort. 
They were wondering over his tiny pudge, and marveling that their surrogate had done such a good job getting him to them.  They were absolutely filled with grace and love and joy.  

And their surrogate!  She glowed.  I’ve never seen a woman so beautiful and committed to her Intended Parents.  Her first thought was of them.  And when her husband told me how emotional he was when he saw the baby, well, their generosity touched me to the very depths of my soul.

And when I stopped at the elevator, I lost any sense of professionalism and just let the tears slide down my cheeks.  Because that moment of seeing those people form a family made everything else in the entire world fade away.  

This is why.

8 ways to support your surrogate during labor, delivery and the immediate post-partum

Agency Director presents at Oregon Health Sciences University Nurse-Midwifery Grand Rounds

Agency Director Adrienne Black was invited to speak at the OHSU Nurse Midwifery Grand Rounds this morning, on the topic of surrogacy.  What a great audience, with many thoughtful questions and genuine interest in providing great care.  Thanks to OHSU for having Heart to Hands as a guest.

Compensation Disbursement in Surrogacy

Compensation Disbursement in Surrogacy

There are many ways to handle the disbursement of funds from the Intended Parent(s) to the Surrogate.  Below are the three most common approaches.

Escrow (Industry Standard): An escrow company is contracted to handle the fund management.  With an Escrow Account, the compensation is deposited into an escrow account and the escrow company sends a check to the surrogate at the agreed times.  Typically, when working with an agency, the agency is authorized to request the disbursements on behalf of the parents.  

(WARNING:  DO NOT work with an agency that offers to act as your escrow agent.  A party other than your agency should always be involved.)

This is the safest option for all parties.

Pros:

• Guarantees the money is available
• Surrogate and IP do not have to discuss money issues once the contract is decided
• Checks usually arrive on scheduled dates, with very little variation

Cons:

• Can be difficult organizationally if working with reimbursement of receipts rather than a monthly stipend
• Is an added expense (between $1k and $3k to set up, sometimes with additional check writing fees)
• Is another third party to deal 
• If there is an issue with the payment, surrogate will still have to discuss the issue with the IP to get it fixed

Joint Checking Account:  Surrogate and Intended Parent(s) share a joint checking account.  Intended Parent(s) fund checking account as agreed upon in the surrogacy contract, and payments to surrogate are made from this account.

Relative safety for Surrogate, higher risk for Intended Parent(s)

Pros:

• Surrogate can see what money is deposited and available
• Intended Parents can see/handle exactly what expenses are being paid
• Easy access for Surrogate and Intended Parent(s)
• If the points are agreed to ahead of time, this minimizes the use of reimbursement and receipts (surrogate can use joint debit card to pay for co-pays, vitamins, etc)

Cons:

• Surrogate and Intended Parent(s) have equal access to the money, and either could remove money from the account unauthorized
• If there is a dispute, both parties will need to communicate directly with one another, or a third party such as a mediator, to address the dispute
• This process requires a fair amount of communication between the two parties
• A lot of trust is required of both parties

Intended Parent(s) pay Surrogate directly:  Intended Parent(s) are solely responsible for payment to the surrogate.  They write checks to the surrogate directly from their private accounts.

(Heart to Hands does not condone this method of compensation disbursement.)

This is the least safe approach for the Surrogate, and the safest for the Intended Parent(s).

Pros:

• Easy for Intended Parents to keep track of expenses
• Because Intended Parent(s) issue all checks, there is no ambiguity or questions about what is being paid
• There is little paperwork, or paper trail
• There is no third party

Cons:

• There is no protection of any kind for the surrogate (beyond what it written in the contract)
• Intended Parent(s) have the responsibility of making sure payments are accurate and on time
• If there is a dispute about money, it can be difficult to address
• An incredible amount of trust is required from the Surrogate

Heart to Hands has parents waiting for YOU to make their dream come true!

Welcome Katherine Vandagrift, new Surrogate Coordinator!

Heart to Hands is pleased to introduce Katherine Vandagrift, our Surrogate Coordinator.  Katherine will be working with surrogates to complete screenings, create beautiful profiles, support the matching process and be a great friend through the entire surrogate journey!

In Katherine's own words:
"I am excited to join Heart to Hands Surrogacy and help people grow their families. I am a proud mother of four and have devoted most of my time to them growing into well rounded happy individuals. Aside from being a mother, I graduated in 2012 from the University of Oregon with a bachelor’s degree in Nonprofit Administration and International Studies. I have strong organizational skills and have worked with a very diverse set of people internationally as well as nationally. In my free time I enjoy spending time with my family and friends, writing in my journal, being outdoors, taking photos and traveling. I fully understand the want to be a parent and how important it is for many people. My desire is to support surrogates throughout their pregnancies and after they give birth. I look forward to getting to know each and every one of you and hearing your story of what brought you to surrogacy."

Welcome, Katherine!

Client Baby Shower

What a beautiful day to celebrate the upcoming birth of someone's cherished baby!  This single Intended Mother and her beautiful gestational surrogate touched my heart with their story, and it's been a great joy to be part of their story.

Visit the Intended Mother's Blog, Dandelion Dreams, to read about their story.